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newyork1newyork
June 5th, 2006, 12:02 AM
i currently live in the suburbs and i have a question about personality differences in new york city. It seems like everywhere i go people always think i am an asshole, ignorant, cocky, and mean. Its almost like every person i meet challenges me in a battle of dominance or "alpha" and im winning until it seems like more people turn on me and it becomes an unfair advantage of people such as 3 on 1 or more against me. then i have to withdraw and get quiet as they crack jokes and shit like that as a unison. This mainly happens at places like school or work (places im at for long periods of time, many times a week) yet i do great in short periods of time (small talk, going to store, people i dont know), im wondering is this a suburb thing that people do this? anyone have a personality similar to mine and maybe it is better fit for ny? i am wondering if it is the location i have to change, or start changing myself. thank you all for any help.

ryan
June 5th, 2006, 09:37 AM
It seems like everywhere i go people always think i am an asshole, ignorant, cocky, and mean.

Does not describe any nyers I know.

ZippyTheChimp
June 5th, 2006, 10:05 AM
It seems like everywhere i go people always think i am an asshole, ignorant, cocky, and mean. Its almost like every person i meet challenges me in a battle of dominance or "alpha"If this is happening so often, either everyone you meet has a personality trait leading to this behavior, or you have the personality trait.

Which do you think is more likely?

Schadenfrau
June 5th, 2006, 11:30 AM
Stay in the suburbs, please.

Ninjahedge
June 5th, 2006, 11:42 AM
Be nice Schade.

NY1NY, the problem is you. I am not trying to be mean, but right to the point. If you have to prove to people that you are right all teh time, you are not expressing yourself properly with the things that really matter.

You can easily make friends with total strangers no the street if you only say "hi" or chat for 5 minutes, but when you start dominating the entire conversation, people's impressions will change.

YOU put them on the defensive and should start to take notice of when this happens. Most likely it will be about 2-5 minutes BEFORE you start noticing it... ;)

Now, in getting into these situations, you can't battle. Once you get people's backs up continuing on that line will only start a fight. Ending suddenly will also be a poor choice in that they will be able to see that a mile away, that you are totally against anything they are saying and your conversational circuit breaker went off.


What I reccomend would be to practice diverting the attension and changing the subject that is being discussed. One step further is to go into an area that you know you are neutral in that they might be interested in talking about and let THEM dominate the conversation. Agree with them and then just move on.


Do not leave a conversation because you can't handle it anymore or you will find a lot of people that do not want to come back ever again.




And no, the reaction/etc that you described is not a "typical" NYer, although some do fit the bill.

milleniumcab
June 5th, 2006, 04:13 PM
Are you from suburbs, living in suburbs or from NYC , living in suburbs.. Sorry but I did not quite get that..